Max's Egyptian Tour Guide Part II

OK, so some of the feedback I got on the videos was that the last two were good, but the first three kinda sucked. Lesson learned: Don’t video blog in pitch black. Not sure why I had to learn that, but anyway, back to my Egyptian travel tips!

Tip #6: Nothing is ever free – even when someone says it is.

Just like everyone in Egypt expects a tip, everyone in Egypt also thinks they can convince you their goods are “free” when they just plan on charging you for it a few minutes later. For example, at the Pyramids there are tons of merchants offering you a “free” headdress. They butter you up, tell you that you “look Egyptian” (Sidebar: NO I DON’T.), act like your best friend in the world, and then when you take the supposed gift, you get charged something like 30-40 pounds. And no, I didn’t fall for this. Not that dumb. Which isn’t to say that we didn’t get pulled into a sort of Pyramid scheme (Sidebar: Get it? Get it?)…

(Us in front of the Great Pyramid)

(What? I got hungry.)

Before I get to the story, let me say that the Pyramids are just as cool as advertised. They are absolutely gigantic and mind-boggling, especially when you start to wonder how the hell these things got built. (Sidebar: Tried to find the brick my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather laid. No success.) Seriously, they deserve their status as an ancient wonder of the world.

(Go figure: They found the Jews and made us build another Pyramid.)

But back to the story – and there’s some real advice in this one. After touring a few of the Pyramids, our tour guide Osama took us to another site where he introduced us to his “colleague.” They explained to us how you could not see all of the Pyramids by foot or by bus, and that the only way to see all 9 of them was by camel or horse ride. And lucky us – they were taking us on a camel ride!

(Don't let our smiles fool you. Right after this picture was taken things went bad.)

So we hopped on our camels and took a ride through the desert. And it was pretty sweet seeing all the Pyramids at once, taking some pictures, and enjoying our peaceful ride through the desert. But remember how nothing is free? Well, we rightfully assumed that this was part of the tour. Osama certainly made it sound that way, and good business ethics would lead him to inform us ahead of time if we would have to pay for the ride. Oh, silly Americans. We returned from our trip, told Osama’s friend how much we enjoyed it, and then learned that we owed him 200 pounds each. Whoops. Needless to say we weren’t happy. Unfortunately, we had been royally screwed – pretty much the headdress thing on a much larger scale. Sucker them in, butter them up with compliments, tell them how lucky they are, provide the service, and then move in for the kill. At this point there was pretty much nothing we could do – our tour guide had set us up, we were a bunch of Jews in the middle of Egypt, and I didn’t really see a whole lot of good coming from us getting into a fight with a 6’5” Egyptian and his camels. So, we paid the schmuck and moved on. Lesson learned here, folks – make sure services have been paid for before you jump on a camel.

Tip #7: Obligatory Sphinx reference.

I really don’t have anything here. We went to the Sphinx. It was cool. About all I have to add is that it’s kinda cool that the entire thing was carved out of one block of stone. I mean, how did they do that?

Tip #8: Be nice to your fellow tourists.

I lied – I do have something from the Sphinx, just not necessarily Sphinx-related. As we were sitting and just kind of looking at the thing, a bunch of other tourists asked us to take a picture of them. After a while, I got pretty good, to the point where I knew exactly where to stand so that they could get both the Sphinx and the Pyramids in the background. We sparked up some pretty interesting conversations as well, from a couple from Minnesota to a few Australians. Anyway, you’re all in the same boat, so you might as well see who you meet.

Tip #9: The Nile is a lot cooler to talk about than to actually be on.

I know, I know. But we went on a dinner cruise on the Nile, and there wasn’t a single moment when I thought, “Wow, I’m on the Nile!” I could have been on the Mississippi River for as much difference as it would make. First off, the trip to the boat was an adventure in itself – our tour guide told the driver he would meet us at a stop on the side of the highway, which led to us standing out there for 20 minutes as we watched the time tick closer and closer to the boat leaving. We had Jacob demanding that the driver to let us talk to Osama ourselves, Allie was yelling at him to take us back to the hotel since we were probably going to miss the boat, and I was pretty much fed up with the day, so I sat back and laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Finally, we found out that Osama was actually at the damn boat all along and was holding it for us. Lucky us. Between the food, general décor, and the guy playing Celine Dion on his electric synthesizer, I was pretty sure it was actually the year 1983. But really, as nice as it was to sit on the top deck and watch the scenery, there was nothing to differentiate the river from anywhere else. We didn’t learn anything about the Nile, no one turned it into blood with his staff, nothing. Kind of a disappointment.

(Come on... seriously?)

Tip #10: Block off a lot of time for the Egyptian Museum.

No doubt about it, that day was full of disappointments. But have no fear, better things were to come! Osama was replaced with Muhammed, a fantastic tour guide who was incredibly knowledgeable and answered all of our questions with added info. The first place he took us, the Cairo Museum, ended up being far and away my favorite place we saw. The place is kind of like the Smithsonian, in that you legitimately need about 6-7 months to really see everything there. As we had about 2 hours, we focused on the contents of King Tut’s tomb. And it was some amazing stuff. Muhammed knew everything about everything, and was able to move smoothly from exhibit to exhibit without missing a beat and while remaining entertaining. I can’t even begin to describe the treasures this museum holds – but trust me when I say it’s something else to see what these ancient pyramids actually held. Spend as much time as you can there, because it’s worth every second.

Tip #11: When you go on a 4-day trip to a foreign country, you won’t be able to put all your stories on a blog – no matter how many entries you write.

Folks, I could go on and on about my vacation in Egypt. I could talk about the perfume factory we went to and the “essence” I bought; I could talk about the Papyrus Museum we went to; I could talk about Old Cairo and the synagogue, church, and mosque we visited; and I could talk about the 30 minutes we spent at the bazaar in Cairo. Not to mention all the little moments in between that made the trip as memorable as it was! But there’s really just too much. You gotta see it for yourself. That being said, while I’d recommend going to Egypt once, I don’t see myself going back any time soon. I mean, the Pyramids aren’t changing, and quite frankly, Cairo isn’t the type of city I would want to spend much time in. But nonetheless, it was certainly a trip to remember.


Some random thoughts to prolong this entry even more:

- If you haven’t picked up a theme from my tweets lately, I really wish I could be at Mizzou’s Homecoming this year. It really is the first and the finest, and was always my favorite weekend of the year while I was in school. To everyone still in college: Enjoy the weekend. To all my friends “coming home”: Enjoy it for me and I’ll be there with you next year!

- Overall solid season of How I Met Your Mother so far, I really liked Robin 101 and Duel Citizenship in particular. I’m liking the start to this season, especially because Ted isn’t so pathetic anymore. Interestingly enough, the cult of HIMYM is growing here at OTZMA: I’d say a good half of the group is now watching, mainly because everyone wants to borrow my copies of seasons 1, 2, and 3!

-Again, if you want to read my thoughts and experiences in a more formal format, head to http://stlotzma.blogspot.com. You’ll find more of a play-by-play description with less random thoughts and sidebars, as well as the musing of Andi, my fellow St. Louis participant.

That’s (finally) all for now – but keep watching this space for more to come!

Live from Mt. Sinai, It's Saturday Night!

It's a big day for Show Me the Shawarma... video blogging is starting! I took 5 videos with my Flip camera (thanks Josh) on the hike up Mt. Sinai while in Egypt, so you can get a firsthand look of what the hike was like. One of the videos is pitch black, another features me taking a picture for a random Russian guy right at the start of the video, but stay with them - some good stuff on there. Enjoy!

Max's Egyptian Travel Guide

If you do a Google search for “Egypt travel tips”, you’ll find a whole lot of results. (1,310,000 to be exact.) However, this guide is unlike any other. Why, you may ask? Well, this is the only one written by me! That’s right, your intrepid world traveler has just returned from another of the many countries across the world I have visited (Sidebar: 2), and I come with pearls of advice for anyone who wishes to one day visit the land of the Pyramids, Mt. Sinai, and swindlers galore. Without further delay, let’s get started!

(Yeah, I took that. What up.)

Tip #1: Bring plenty of small bills.

We were warned ahead of time, but we quickly found that EVERYONE expects a tip. Tour guide? Tip. Driver? Tip. Bellhop? Tip. Store assistant? Tip. Guy who opened the bathroom door for you? Tip. With all the tipping going on, you tend to run out of small bills very quickly. A good tip for someone legit (tour guide, driver, etc.) is $5 for each day of service, which is about 25 Egyptian pounds. Now, with that many tips, you tend to run out of 20 and 10 pound bills very quickly, so when you go to tip someone 10 pounds, you find that you only have a 100-pound bill. Not that that happened to me or anything…

(Would you expect to see this in Egypt?)

Tip #2: If you choose to climb Mt. Sinai before dawn, take the easy path.

(Sidebar: I’m skipping Day 1. We drove through a desert in a jeep. We got tossed around a lot. It hurt. Moving on.) So after waking up at 1 AM and heading over to Mt. Sinai, we were introduced to our Bedouin guide Mahmood, who would be leading us up to the mountain. (Sidebar: By the way, our tour guide in the Sinai, Ali, chose not to join us and went back to sleep. There were several points on our 6-hour hike that I envied him quite a bit.) We quickly were given a choice: We could take the easy path, which meant taking the trail around the mountain, or we could take the stairs – all 3,000 of them. Now, these weren’t quite the stairs you find at home. Instead, these were slabs of rock pretty much tossed on top of another rock, with a larger rock next to it to hold on to if you were lucky. Uh, no thank you. We wisely chose the easy path, which led us through multiple switchbacks, up steep cliffs, and many encounters with people riding camels up and down the mountain. Now, I climbed Masada before dawn on Birthright, but that was NOTHING compared to this. Mt. Sinai is 7,497 ft. tall, compared to Masada’s 1,300 ft. And while Masada took us maybe an hour, hour and a half to climb, this bad boy was a solid 4 hours up and another 2 down. Woo! But finally, after all the climbing and a good 300 steps at the end, we reached the summit, which leads to our next tip…

(View from the top of Mt. Sinai)

Tip #3: When they tell you Mt. Sinai is cold, they aren’t kidding. Pack accordingly.

I’ve been fairly dismissive of anyone who talks about Israel being “cold” – what do they mean, it’s only 70 degrees instead of 80? But when it comes to Mt. Sinai, they’re being serious. It was about 12 degrees Celsius at the top and most of the way down, and this putz was up there in a T-shirt, my Mizzou track jacket, and jogging pants. Luckily, I was at least able to buy a cheap pair of gloves at the hotel shop the night before, or else I would have really been in trouble. That being said, it’s really a hell of a view up there at dawn. Despite some of my comments on the videos I took (Sidebar: Video blogging coming to Show Me the Shawarma soon! Stay tuned!), it really was worth the hike – not that I’d ever do it again. But if you’re up for a 4-5 hour hike at 1 in the morning, I’d say go for it. Just, please, bring layers to wear.

(Freezing, but it was worth it to get this picture. Think the Mizzou Alumni Association would want this?)

Tip #4: Be prepared to find something you never expected.

After Mt. Sinai, we showered, had breakfast, and went with Ali to see St. Catherine’s Monastery. Now, for whatever reason, I knew absolutely nothing about St. Catherine’s. So imagine my surprise when Ali told us “First we will go see the monks tomb, then the actual church, then the Burning Bush, then possibly the museum…” Hold up there. The Burning Bush? As in, THE Burning Bush? I had always for some reason been under the impression that after Moses fled Egypt, he went somewhere like Jordan or Syria, not, uh, Egypt. But apparently that was the site of the Burning Bush, which I assure you is still alive and well. According to Ali, no one has been able to determine what kind of plant the Bush is, there has never been another of this type of plant found, and when people have taken cuttings, it does not grow. Now here’s my question? Shouldn’t this be one of the holiest sites in Judaism or something? I mean, we’re talking about the bush that G-d spoke to Moses through here! How did I have no idea that it still existed? Am I the only one who missed this?

(One of the most important sites in Jewish history? I don't think so.)

Tip #5: Don’t EVER get behind the wheel of a car in Egypt, especially in Cairo.

You thought Israeli drivers were bad? They look like the best drivers in the world when you get to Cairo. As our tour guide Mohammed (Sidebar: We had him on the last day only, and he was the man. Other tour guides not so much.) explained to us, because Egypt is a Muslim country, they do not have traffic lights because they do not respect the law of machines, only the law of other human beings. Now, that sounds good and all, but this good Jewish boy will respect the law of machines to the point of the Matrix if it means not having to deal with drivers like that. Every time we were in a car, I though we were about 5 seconds away from either hitting someone or having someone crash into us. In fact, our cabbie may have killed a man while we were in the car. Who knows. There was the one time I foolishly decided to cross the street – felt like I was playing human Frogger. Maybe one of the scariest moments of my life, no joke.

OK, this is getting long and I haven’t even gotten to the Pyramids yet, so I’m going to call it here and just post this for now. More to come later – faster than the long-awaited “Meet the Hirschs Part II”, I promise!

Fulfilling One Man's Lifelong Wish

First off, I hate sports.

Second, I got back from Egypt late on Friday, and with many, MANY stories to tell. But that's for another night. No, tonight I will finally answer the hopes and dreams of one man - my father. You see, ever since I reached Israel, my dad has been asking for one thing and one thing only. It comes up in every conversation, and it clearly has become a lifelong dream.

A picture of me on a camel.

"Hey Dad, I just got to Israel!" "Did you take a picture of you on a camel?"

"Hey Dad, we just moved in to Ashkelon!" "Did you take a picture of you on a camel?"

"Hey Dad, I met my adoptive family today!" "Did you take a picture of you on a camel?"

"Hey Dad, I stayed at a Bedouin tent today and rode a camel!" "Did you take a picture of you on a camel?"

(OK, maybe that time I should have taken it.)

But now, the wait is over. That's right Dad, without further ado, here's a picture of me on a camel.





(So this was pretty much a way for me to make fun of my Dad, as well as let everyone know that I'm back from Egypt safe and sound, pictures are going up online, and I'll have more posts up later this week detailing the trip! And who knows - maybe even some video blogs...)

(But seriously, I hate sports.)

In honor of the coming weeks...

Alright, with the regular season for the 2009 St. Louis Cardinals just a few innings away from coming to a close, I guess I just have one thing to say...













'Nuff said. Enjoy the new color scheme for as long as Cardinals Baseball continues.